Teen Relationships: What’s Influencing Them - For Parents

This week, we were joined by Jess Hawley, CEO of the RAP Foundation, to talk about something many parents might notice, but aren’t always sure how to make sense of - teenage relationships. Across both boys and girls, there’s a developing gap between what young people say they want in terms of connection, respect, closeness and what they’re seeing, trying, and repeating.

In this session, we discussed how online culture is influencing our young people, from the pull of the manosphere to exposure to pornography, and the divisive way these external influences are changing expectations, attitudes and behaviour into something quite quite shocking, concerning and unrelatable for parents.

What are young people saying?

From Jess’s work in schools, there is a growing sense that boys and girls are coming to relationships with different expectations, which can include:

• different ideas about what respect looks like

• confusion around roles and behaviour

• sometimes, a disconnect between how young people communicate and relate to each other

This isn’t about blame, but it does highlight that young people, who are already naturally wired to figure out who they are and where they fit, are surrounded by very mixed messages within an algorithmically biased environment, one that can, by design, confuse, distort and isolate.

The influence of the manosphere

A big part of this sits in what young people are being exposed to online, particularly the growing influence of the manosphere. What often starts as normal curiosity or everyday engagement can gradually shift. These spaces don’t just offer content, they create a pathway. Young people may begin with fairly neutral or even helpful discussions, but over time the messaging can become much more polarised. At the same time, this content is delivered in a way that can subtly pull young people way from real-life peer groups and into more individual, online spaces, where these views are reinforced and amplified, and far less likely to be challenged. This can lead to:

• less influence from friends and wider social groups

• more time spent in closed or reinforcing online environments

• exposure to a mix of content; some supportive, but also a significant amount that is extreme, negative or rigid in its thinking

In these spaces, ideas about relationships can become more entrenched. Themes around power, control and status can start to replace more balanced views of connection, respect and consent.

The effect on boys vs how girls respond

For some boys, particularly those who are unsure of themselves or trying to find their place, this might be initially appealing. It offers a sense of clarity, identity and belonging, but it can also shape how they think about girls, relationships, and their role within them. At the same time, girls are increasingly aware of these attitudes and are beginning to respond by:

• setting firmer boundaries

• being more cautious

• or disengaging altogether

Which can widen the gap further between boys and girls in how relationships are approached.

Pornography and expectations

Another consistent theme for young people is pornography. Many young people are exposed to it early, often before they have the emotional maturity to understand what they are seeing. What it presents is a highly performative version of sex, with little reference to emotional connection or real-life intimacy. Without anything to balance that, it can start to change:

• expectations

• behaviour

• and understanding of what relationships should look like

What can parents do with all of this?

For many parents, this can feel unfamiliar and, at times, quite confronting. The world teenagers are growing up in looks very different, and it’s not always obvious how much of this they are absorbing or how it is influencing their thinking. It can also make conversations feel harder to start, particularly when parents worry about saying the wrong thing or making things awkward. A parent’s instinct can be to shut it down, avoid it, or hope it isn’t affecting your child.

What Jess pointed out is that young people are already forming views AND often without context, challenge or balance. So the role of a parent isn’t to have all the answers, but to help bring some reality back into the picture.

That might look like:

• Gently challenging what they’re seeing
  → “Do you think that’s how relationships really work?”

• Introducing a different perspective
  → Talking about respect, emotional connection and mutual understanding in real terms

• Helping them question, not just absorb
  → “Where do you think that idea comes from?”

• Naming what’s unrealistic
  → Particularly around pornography and performative behaviour

• Keeping them connected to real life
  → Friendships, group dynamics, and everyday interactions matter more than online interactions.

It’s not about shutting down their views, but helping them think more critically about them.

The art of conversation

What Jess said is that non judgemental conversations really matter. Using the conversations about sex as an example, research shows that young people who talk more frequently with their families about relationships and sex are far more likely to delay their first sexual experiences and use protection. The point that Jess makes is that talking to your teen about these topics does not encourage young people to take risks earlier, or imply approval, it helps them to make safer, more considered choices.

Where to start

There isn’t a perfect way to approach this, but what seems to help is:

• keeping conversations open

• being willing to listen without immediately correcting

• and accepting that these discussions happen over time, not in one moment

Often, it’s less about having the right answer, and more about making sure your teenager knows they can come to you.

Final thought

Teenagers are trying to work out who they are, how they relate to others, and what relationships should look like all while being influenced by a complex and often confusing mix of messages. As parents, we don’t need to resolve all of this for them. But staying present, informed and open gives them a much better chance of making sense of it in a way that feels healthy and balanced.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Jess Hawley, RAP Foundation on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

• Follow RAP Foundation here and listen to RAP Talks - a lived experience of getting caught in the manosphere

• Book “Clown World” 4 Year’s Inside Andrew Tate’s Manosphere

• Children’s Commissioner Report on Pornography & Young People

• BBC I Player - Men of the Manosphere & Gareth Southgate - Changing the Game for Young Men

• Resources on Online Apps Commonsense Media and Smart Social

• For School’s - Organise a RAP Foundation Workshop