As the school year comes to an end, many families are looking ahead to the summer holidays with a mix of relief and uncertainty. For neurodivergent teenagers in particular, this period can bring both a welcome break and a set of new challenges.

In this week’s Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, we were joined by ADHD and Executive Function Coach Liz Ambler, who shared practical insights into how school holidays, changes in routine, and burnout can affect young people and how parents can support them in a calm and manageable way.

Drawing on her experience working with neurodivergent individuals and families, Liz helped parents understand why this time of year can feel unsettled, and how small, thoughtful adjustments can make a meaningful difference.

Holidays: Helpful or Hard?

One of the questions discussed was whether time away from school routines actually helps neurodivergent teenagers.

The answer, as Liz explained, is both yes and no. While downtime can offer much-needed rest, long periods without structure can lead to increased overwhelm. Without the scaffolding of routine, challenges such as procrastination, rumination and difficulty getting started can become more pronounced.

For some young people, particularly those who rely on predictability, the absence of routine can feel disorientating rather than relaxing. This is why finding a balance between structure and flexibility is so important.

The Risk of Too Much Unstructured Time

Unstructured time can sound appealing, but for many neurodivergent teens it can quickly become difficult to manage. Liz described how extended downtime can lead to:

• Procrastination - where teens struggle to initiate tasks

• Rumination - repeatedly going over thoughts without resolution

• A sense of overwhelm from too many choices or too little direction

Simple strategies can help:

• Planning a loose structure for the day

• Keeping some consistent routines (sleep, meals, downtime)

• Talking in advance about what the day or week might look like

Importantly, this doesn’t mean filling every moment. As Liz reminded parents, doing nothing is still doing something as rest is a valid and necessary part of recovery.

Masking and Burnout

A significant part of the conversation focused on masking. This is where neurodivergent young people adjust their behaviour to fit in socially, however this can cause impact over time. Masking can be both conscious and unconscious, and while it can help young people handle social situations, it is often exhausting. Over time, this can lead to burnout, a state of deep physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. Burnout is more than just tiredness and exhaustion. It can include:

• Difficulty thinking clearly (brain fog)

• Reduced tolerance for everyday demands

• Increased sensitivity to noise, people or environments

• A noticeable drop in skills or ability to cope

During the holidays, when the “mask” begins to drop, this can sometimes be misinterpreted as withdrawal or disengagement. In reality, it may be recovery.

Supporting Recovery

One of the most helpful takeaways was the importance of recognising and validating this exhaustion. Liz encouraged parents to:

• Acknowledge how hard their teen has been working

• Allow time to withdraw and decompress without taking it personally

• Build in quiet recovery time after busy or social events

• Model rest and self-care themselves

This might look like allowing space, reducing demands, or simply being available without pushing for conversation. So this could be a pyjama day, but still keeping self hygiene/cleaning routines going.

Planning Without Pressure

Many parents feel pressure to “get the holidays right” by organising activities, keeping teens engaged, and avoiding boredom. Liz offered a reassuring reminder: you don’t need to fill every moment. Instead:

• Plan early, but keep it simple

• Offer limited choices rather than too many options

• Build in downtime alongside any activities

• Accept that some days will be quieter than others

Also, reducing pressure on yourself as a parent can also help reduce pressure on your teenager.

Supporting Independence

Summer can also bring increased independence; more time with friends, more time online, and new situations to navigate. Rather than controlling this, Liz suggested building independence gradually by:

• Talking through scenarios in advance

• Asking questions rather than giving instructions

• Helping teens create their own “toolkit” in case they get flustered in new situations (e.g. headphones, fidget tools, music)

• Normalising mistakes and learning from them

This approach supports confidence while still keeping a sense of safety, but building on resilience.

Transitions and Why They Feel So Big

Whether it’s starting a new school, returning in September, or simply adjusting to a different routine, transitions can feel particularly intense for neurodivergent teens. This is often because:

• Routine provides a sense of safety

• Change introduces uncertainty and loss of control

• Anxiety increases when the “known” becomes unknown

Even small changes can feel significant if a young person is already holding a lot internally. Helpful strategies include:

• Preparing early and revisiting plans regularly

• Using simple, clear language

• Keeping familiar routines where possible

• Allowing time to decompress after new experiences

And, recognising that what may seem small externally can feel very big internally.

Final Thought

There was a clear and reassuring message throughout the session: this doesn’t need to be perfect. Supporting a neurodivergent teenager over the summer is less about getting everything right, and more about staying steady, flexible and connected. As Liz shared in her closing remarks:

• Plan, but don’t over-plan

• And remember that doing nothing is still doing something

Watch Now

Watch the full session with Liz Ambler on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

For further reading on masking and its impact, visit: National Autistic Society
Daily Regulation Check

Focus and Flow Toolkit

Anna Freud - Supporting children and young people’s transition to secondary school

NHS MHST - Top tips for starting your journey into secondary school

While overall substance use among young people may be going down, what’s becoming clear is that exposure, accessibility and potential harm are changing, particularly through social media and stronger, less predictable substances.

What’s changing for young people

From Fiona’s work across schools and communities, one of the clearest messages is that young people are growing up with far greater exposure to substances than previous generations. This doesn’t mean that all teenagers are using them, but it does mean:

• they are more aware of them

• they may see them as more normal

• and they are often making decisions in environments without adult guidance

Alongside this, some substances are becoming stronger and more unpredictable, increasing the risks when young people do experiment.

Social media and drugs

Social media can play a big role in influencing how young people perceive substances. Research from UCL highlights that:

• many teenagers are exposed to drug-related content online, often without searching for it

• around 29% have seen drugs advertised for sale

• and the more they see this content, the less risky they believe drug use to be

This matters because when something feels normal or low-risk, young people are more likely to engage with it. Social media doesn’t just expose young people to substances, it can normalise and even promote them, often without any meaningful context around the risks.

What are the most common substances?

Across schools, the same substances tend to come up consistently. The most common are:

• Alcohol

• Nicotine (cigarettes, vapes and nicotine pouches)

• Cannabis (herbal cannabis, edibles and THC vapes)

These are the substances most young people are likely to come across in their social environments.

Other substances to be aware of

There are also some substances that, while less common, are becoming more visible and carry particular risks:

• Ketamine — use has increased, along with harm, particularly affecting the bladder in late teens and early twenties

• THC (especially in stronger forms or vapes) — linked to anxiety, panic and paranoia

• Spice (synthetic cannabis) — often much stronger, more unpredictable, and with a higher risk of addiction

Prof Chris Pudney did some research which shows that some vapes sold as THC products may actually contain spice, which can lead to very different and unexpected effects. See link in resources below.

Alcohol

Alcohol is still one of the most likely substances young people will come across, often in social settings like parties or small gatherings. While many teenagers aren’t drinking regularly, it can feel like a normal part of “fitting in,” particularly when it’s framed as low-risk or just part of having fun. What Fiona highlighted is that it’s not always about heavy use, but the situations young people find themselves in where judgement can shift, limits aren’t always clear, and decisions are influenced by the group around them. For parents, it’s about helping teenagers think ahead about those situations, rather than only reacting afterwards.

Nicotine and addiction

Nicotine remains one of the most addictive substances young people encounter. It is found in:

• cigarettes

• vapes

• nicotine pouches

While the stimulant effect is relatively mild, nicotine reaches the brain quickly and reinforces repeated use. In adolescence, even relatively small amounts can lead to dependence, as the brain is still developing and more vulnerable to addictive patterns.

What should parents look out for?

It’s not always easy to spot substance use, particularly as some effects are short-lived. However, parents might notice:

• changes in behaviour or mood

• shifts in friendship groups

• reduced engagement with school or activities

• increased secrecy or withdrawal

Importantly, many of these can also be part of normal teenage development, so they are best seen as prompts for a conversation rather than proof.

The role of conversation

One of the strongest takeaways from this session is that open, ongoing conversations really matter. These are not one-off discussions, but something that builds over time. Helpful approaches include:

• staying calm and non-judgemental

• asking questions with curiosity rather than accusation

• listening as much as talking

• using everyday moments (films, social media, news stories) as natural starting points

If parents feel uncomfortable raising these topics, it’s worth remembering that teenagers are likely to feel it even more, so keeping the tone open and manageable makes a difference.

Supporting better decisions

Alongside conversation, helping teenagers develop decision-making skills is just as important. This might include:

• thinking through different scenarios

• having an “exit plan” if they feel uncomfortable

• understanding how peer influence and online content can shape behaviour

The aim isn’t just to tell young people what to do, but to help them think more clearly and confidently in the moment.

Final thought

Teenagers are growing up in a world where substances are more visible, more accessible, and often presented without context. While that can feel worrying for parents, staying connected, informed and open creates the best chance of guiding young people through these decisions safely. It’s not about having all the answers, but making sure they know they can come to you when it matters.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Fiona Spargo Mabbs, OBE on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources for parents

DSM Foundation – https://www.dsmfoundation.org.uk/parents/‍ ‍

Talk to Frank – https://talktofrank.com/‍ ‍

Smoking campaigns (ASH) – https://ash.org.uk/campaigns‍ ‍

Teen Smokefree – https://teen.smokefree.gov/‍ ‍

99p alcohol shots article – https://www.thespiritsbusiness.com/2026/05/sazerac-brings-99p-shot-brand-to-the-uk/

Prof Christ Pudney Research - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c897qw8ddp9o

In this session, we discussed how online culture is influencing our young people, from the pull of the manosphere to exposure to pornography, and the divisive way these external influences are changing expectations, attitudes and behaviour into something quite quite shocking, concerning and unrelatable for parents.

What are young people saying?

From Jess’s work in schools, there is a growing sense that boys and girls are coming to relationships with different expectations, which can include:

• different ideas about what respect looks like

• confusion around roles and behaviour

• sometimes, a disconnect between how young people communicate and relate to each other

This isn’t about blame, but it does highlight that young people, who are already naturally wired to figure out who they are and where they fit, are surrounded by very mixed messages within an algorithmically biased environment, one that can, by design, confuse, distort and isolate.

The influence of the manosphere

A big part of this sits in what young people are being exposed to online, particularly the growing influence of the manosphere. What often starts as normal curiosity or everyday engagement can gradually shift. These spaces don’t just offer content, they create a pathway. Young people may begin with fairly neutral or even helpful discussions, but over time the messaging can become much more polarised. At the same time, this content is delivered in a way that can subtly pull young people way from real-life peer groups and into more individual, online spaces, where these views are reinforced and amplified, and far less likely to be challenged. This can lead to:

• less influence from friends and wider social groups

• more time spent in closed or reinforcing online environments

• exposure to a mix of content; some supportive, but also a significant amount that is extreme, negative or rigid in its thinking

In these spaces, ideas about relationships can become more entrenched. Themes around power, control and status can start to replace more balanced views of connection, respect and consent.

The effect on boys vs how girls respond

For some boys, particularly those who are unsure of themselves or trying to find their place, this might be initially appealing. It offers a sense of clarity, identity and belonging, but it can also shape how they think about girls, relationships, and their role within them. At the same time, girls are increasingly aware of these attitudes and are beginning to respond by:

• setting firmer boundaries

• being more cautious

• or disengaging altogether

Which can widen the gap further between boys and girls in how relationships are approached.

Pornography and expectations

Another consistent theme for young people is pornography. Many young people are exposed to it early, often before they have the emotional maturity to understand what they are seeing. What it presents is a highly performative version of sex, with little reference to emotional connection or real-life intimacy. Without anything to balance that, it can start to change:

• expectations

• behaviour

• and understanding of what relationships should look like

What can parents do with all of this?

For many parents, this can feel unfamiliar and, at times, quite confronting. The world teenagers are growing up in looks very different, and it’s not always obvious how much of this they are absorbing or how it is influencing their thinking. It can also make conversations feel harder to start, particularly when parents worry about saying the wrong thing or making things awkward. A parent’s instinct can be to shut it down, avoid it, or hope it isn’t affecting your child.

What Jess pointed out is that young people are already forming views AND often without context, challenge or balance. So the role of a parent isn’t to have all the answers, but to help bring some reality back into the picture.

That might look like:

• Gently challenging what they’re seeing
  → “Do you think that’s how relationships really work?”

• Introducing a different perspective
  → Talking about respect, emotional connection and mutual understanding in real terms

• Helping them question, not just absorb
  → “Where do you think that idea comes from?”

• Naming what’s unrealistic
  → Particularly around pornography and performative behaviour

• Keeping them connected to real life
  → Friendships, group dynamics, and everyday interactions matter more than online interactions.

It’s not about shutting down their views, but helping them think more critically about them.

The art of conversation

What Jess said is that non judgemental conversations really matter. Using the conversations about sex as an example, research shows that young people who talk more frequently with their families about relationships and sex are far more likely to delay their first sexual experiences and use protection. The point that Jess makes is that talking to your teen about these topics does not encourage young people to take risks earlier, or imply approval, it helps them to make safer, more considered choices.

Where to start

There isn’t a perfect way to approach this, but what seems to help is:

• keeping conversations open

• being willing to listen without immediately correcting

• and accepting that these discussions happen over time, not in one moment

Often, it’s less about having the right answer, and more about making sure your teenager knows they can come to you.

Final thought

Teenagers are trying to work out who they are, how they relate to others, and what relationships should look like all while being influenced by a complex and often confusing mix of messages. As parents, we don’t need to resolve all of this for them. But staying present, informed and open gives them a much better chance of making sense of it in a way that feels healthy and balanced.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Jess Hawley, RAP Foundation on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

• Follow RAP Foundation here and listen to RAP Talks - a lived experience of getting caught in the manosphere

• Book “Clown World” 4 Year’s Inside Andrew Tate’s Manosphere

• Children’s Commissioner Report on Pornography & Young People

• BBC I Player - Men of the Manosphere & Gareth Southgate - Changing the Game for Young Men

• Resources on Online Apps Commonsense Media and Smart Social

• For School’s - Organise a RAP Foundation Workshop

In this Let's All Talk Mental Health session, Clinical Psychologist Dr Jane Gilmour shared insights into what Tics are, why they happen, and how parents can help teenagers feel understood and accepted.

What are Tics?

Tics are involuntary movements or sounds that a person cannot simply choose to stop. They can be physical movements, such as blinking, shoulder shrugging or head movements, or vocal tics, such as throat clearing, sniffing, sounds, words or phrases. Some tics are simple, involving a single movement or sound, while others are more complex and may involve several movements, gestures, words or phrases.

Many people are surprised to learn just how common tics are. Around 20% of young people will experience an occasional tic at some point during childhood. In many cases these are temporary, may barely be noticed, and often disappear on their own. These are often referred to as transient tics.

Tourette Syndrome is a neurological condition and sits within a wider family of tic conditions. To receive a diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome, a young person must experience both motor and vocal tics for longer than a year. Parents may also hear terms such as chronic tic disorder, where motor or vocal tics persist over time, or functional tics, which can look very similar to Tourette-related tics but are thought to arise through different neurological processes and may require a different approach to support and treatment.

Although these conditions are different, families will often hear them discussed together because they all involve involuntary movements or sounds. One of the key things to remember is that tics can change over time, with one tic disappearing and another taking its place.

Why do Tics happen?

Although researchers are still learning more about the causes of tics, we know they are neurological in nature. Differences in brain circuits involved in movement and the suppression of unwanted movements appear to play a role, along with changes in the way certain neurotransmitters, including dopamine, work within the brain.

Tics often run in families, and many parents recognise similarities in their own childhood experiences once the subject is discussed.

Tics change over time

One of the most important things for parents to understand is that tics are rarely static. They tend to wax and wane, becoming more noticeable at some times and less so at others. A tic may disappear completely, only to be replaced by a different one. This changing pattern is completely normal and can make it difficult for families to know exactly what is happening at first.

Tics often become more noticeable during late childhood, usually peaking around the ages of 10 to 12. The encouraging news is that for many young people they become less frequent and less disruptive as they move through adolescence, and many adults who had Tourette Syndrome as children experience very few tics later in life.

Stress, excitement and transitions

Parents often notice that tics become more obvious during times of stress, tiredness or anxiety. Exam periods, friendship difficulties and busy school environments can all have an impact. However, positive experiences can also increase tics. Excitement, holidays, birthdays or starting a new school can all lead to an increase in tic activity. This doesn't mean anything is wrong. It simply reflects the way strong emotions can influence the brain systems involved in tic expression.

The biggest misconception about Tourette Syndrome

Many people still assume that Tourette Syndrome always involves swearing. In reality, only a small minority of people with Tourette experience involuntary swearing or socially inappropriate language. Dr Gilmour discussed the recent public debate surrounding a racial slur spoken by a person with Tourette Syndrome. She emphasised that these vocal tics are not chosen and are not a reflection of a person's beliefs, values or character. Words produced as part of a tic are neurological events, not deliberate statements. While hearing such language can understandably be upsetting for others, it is important to recognise that these words are not intentional and do not represent the person's views.

Interestingly, Tourette-related swearing is often described as the brain producing inherently inappropriate words at socially inappropriate moments. It is not about wanting to say those words; quite the opposite.

Living with tics can be exhausting

One of the most powerful parts of the discussion focused on what it actually feels like to have a tic. Many young people describe a build-up of tension or an urge before the tic occurs. Dr Gilmour compared it to trying not to blink. The longer you resist, the stronger the urge becomes, and the more relief you feel when you finally blink.

For teenagers, this can be physically tiring, frustrating and emotionally draining. At a stage of life when fitting in feels especially important, having movements or sounds that draw attention can feel particularly difficult.

What helps?

Perhaps the most important message from the session was surprisingly simple: ignore the tic, not the young person. Although it often comes from a place of kindness, drawing attention to tics can sometimes make them worse. Constantly asking if someone is OK or commenting on a tic may inadvertently increase a young person's self-consciousness.

Instead, focus on the teenager, not the tic.

Parents can make a huge difference by modelling calm acceptance. Communicating "this is part of you, and it's okay" helps reduce anxiety and creates an environment where young people feel supported rather than judged.

Tics rarely exist in isolation

Tourette Syndrome often occurs alongside other neurodevelopmental differences, including ADHD, OCD, autism and anxiety. These co-occurring difficulties can sometimes have a greater impact on a young person's daily life than the tics themselves. Being aware of this can help parents recognise when additional support may be helpful.

What to remember

Tics are common, neurological and involuntary. They are not attention-seeking, bad behaviour or a reflection of character.

For many young people, understanding from the people around them can be one of the most powerful forms of support. Awareness, acceptance and empathy help reduce the emotional pressure that often surrounds tics and can make a real difference to a teenager's confidence and wellbeing.

As Dr Gilmour concluded, one of the most effective interventions for tics is often awareness itself.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Dr Jane Gilmour on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

• Great Ormond Street Hospital Tic Service

• ACAMH - Tic Resources

• Tourette Syndrome Charity Resources

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with ADHD and Executive Function Coach Liz Ambler, from Green Thread Coaching and Foundations Child Therapy, we discussed how ADHD affects emotional regulation, decision-making and behaviour, and what can help parents respond in a way that supports both the moment and the longer term.

Understanding ADHD and emotional regulation

Emotional regulation is one of the brain’s executive functions. It’s the set of skills that help us plan, manage emotions, stay organised and respond appropriately. For teenagers with ADHD:

• emotions can escalate more quickly

• reactions can feel more intense

• it can take longer to return to a calm state

When overwhelmed, the thinking part of the brain can go offline, and the emotional response takes over. This is why reactions can feel sudden or out of proportion, but they are not intentional.

What ADHD can look like day to day

Liz Ambler shared some of the common patterns parents might notice about their teens, that are often the things that cause the most friction at home:

• starting things but not finishing them

• forgetting instructions or losing track of tasks

• struggling to get going, even when they want to

• leaving things until the last minute

• being easily distracted

• appearing not to listen

• emotional overreactions or quick mood shifts

• avoiding tasks that feel overwhelming

• losing or misplacing things

• poor time awareness

• inconsistency; being able to do something one day but not the next

The key shift for parents

The important takeaway here is that these behaviours are not about laziness or a lack of effort. They are linked to differences in executive functioning, meaning a young person may want to do something, but struggles with the steps needed to start, organise or complete it.

A helpful shift is moving from:
“Why won’t they do it?”
to
“What’s getting in the way?”

This small change often leads to more effective and supportive responses.

Why behaviour can feel reactive or intense

Parents may notice that emotions can build up and then come out all at once. This often happens at home, where teens feels safest.

Teens with ADHD may:

• move quickly into fight, flight or freeze responses

• struggle to pause before reacting

• feel things more intensely, particularly around criticism or perceived failure

• show avoidance behaviours when something feels too much

What looks like defiance is often overwhelm.

Responding in the moment

When emotions are running high, it’s rarely the right time to reason or problem-solve. What helps more:

• keeping communication calm and minimal

• allowing the emotion to pass

• staying present without escalating

• focusing on safety and containment

Parents often act as the “emotional brake” to help their teen gradually return to a calmer state.

Building longer-term support

Over time, small and consistent approaches make the biggest difference:

• noticing patterns and early signs of overwhelm

• building simple, repeatable strategies

• supporting self-awareness without shame

• having conversations outside of emotional moments

Helping teens understand that their responses are different, not wrong is key.

ADHD, puberty and emotional intensity

Hormonal changes during adolescence can heighten emotional responses further.

This can show up as:

• bigger mood swings

• increased impulsivity

• stronger emotional reactions

• more variability day to day

For neurodivergent teens, this can make the teen years feel more intense.

Exams, revision and ADHD

Exam periods can be particularly challenging, as they rely heavily on executive functioning skills. These include:

• planning and prioritising

• task initiation

• working memory

• time management

• sustained attention

• emotional regulation

Liz referenced the work of Peg Dawson, whose framework helps identify strengths and areas of difficulty within executive functioning.

Helpful approaches during revision include:

• short, structured study blocks

• using timers or prompts to start tasks

• building in movement and breaks

• focusing on starting small to reduce overwhelm

• using external structure rather than relying on motivation

Many ADHD brains are interest-based, meaning urgency can help, but it also needs to be balanced with support and realistic expectations.

What to remember

Supporting a teenager with ADHD requires a slightly different approach and always remember:

• ADHD behaviours are linked to executive function differences

• in the moment, teens are often not able to think rationally

• parents need to stay calm and reduce input

• conversations should happen after the moment has passed

• support is about understanding and scaffolding, not expecting instant change

• skills are learned by repetition

Teens may not be able to think or respond rationally in the moment, so staying calm and keeping things simple can help. The real work often happens afterwards, when there’s space to reflect and build skills over time and through repetition.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with ADHD and Executive Function Coach Liz Ambler on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

• Let’s All Talk Mental Health Hub for other sessions on ADHD

• Book, Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson

• Executive Functioning Questionnaire Framework by Peg Dawson

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist Ali Kosiner explored how family stress and difficult relationships can affect teenagers, how these experiences may show up, and what can help young people feel more contained and supported.

How much should parents share?

One of the things that Ali spoke about was what to share, and when.

She highlighted that not all adult concerns need to be shared with teenagers. What matters most is whether something will directly impact their lives, and whether they are developmentally able to process the information.

For example, financial stress may feel overwhelming for parents, but if it does not affect a young person’s day-to-day life, it may not need to be discussed in detail. However, if changes will affect them (such as reduced spending), a conversation becomes more important. What matters is:

• age-appropriate communication

• timing and context

• clarity without overwhelming detail

Teenagers are often perceptive. Even when conversations are not happening openly, they may notice tension, shifts in behaviour, or changes in atmosphere. Naming that something feels different, in a calm and contained way, can help reduce confusion and prevent them from filling in the gaps themselves.

When withdrawal is normal. And when it’s not

Adolescence naturally involves some withdrawal. Teenagers begin to spend more time alone, with friends, or in their own world.

However, Ali encouraged parents to look for changes from their child’s usual behaviour, such as:

• not coming down for meals

• spending significantly more time isolated

• avoiding home or family interactions

• increased secrecy or sudden changes in behaviour

For many teenagers, especially those who are neurodivergent, the end of the school day can be exhausting. Taking time alone after school can be a healthy way to decompress. The main question is not whether a teen withdraws, but whether that withdrawal has shifted in intensity or pattern.

Stepping into their world

Rather than focusing on “what to say”, Ali spoke about the importance of connection and curiosity. Parents can build stronger communication by:

• showing interest in their teen’s world (games, apps, friendships)

• being present without pressure

• using indirect moments for conversation (car journeys, walks, everyday activities)

• even communicating through text messages or shared humour

These small, consistent moments of connection create a foundation that makes it easier to talk when things become more difficult.

How family stress can show up in teenagers

When family dynamics are strained through conflict, separation, illness or wider stress, teenagers may respond in different ways.

Common signs can include:

• withdrawal or disengagement

• increased anger or irritability

• physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches

• changes in friendships or social behaviour

• neglecting self-care

• spending more time away from home

Ali advised that, anger is often not just anger. It may mask sadness, fear, confusion or frustration that a young person cannot yet put into words. Some teenagers may withdraw, while others may become more social to avoid being at home. Both responses can be linked to what is happening in the family environment.

The importance of naming what’s happening

When something feels different at home, teenagers often notice, even if they don’t say anything. If it remains unspoken, they may:

• blame themselves

• imagine worse scenarios

• internalise stress or confusion

Simple, age-appropriate honesty can help:

“You’ve probably noticed things feel a bit strained at the moment. We’re working through it, and we’re here for you.”

This kind of communication helps reduce uncertainty and supports emotional containment.

What helps teens feel safe when life feels unsettled?

Even when situations cannot be easily resolved, there are ways to support young people:

• Consistency and routine wherever possible

• Maintaining familiar activities (sports, hobbies, weekly plans)

• Clear, calm communication

• Reassurance about what will stay the same

• Finding small and simple ways to have fun

• Reducing exposure to overwhelming external stress (e.g. news, online content)

In an unpredictable world, stability at home becomes even more important.

Sibling dynamics and feeling unseen

When one child needs more attention, it can create tension within the family suggesting parents try to:

• acknowledge imbalance honestly

• carve out individual time with each child

• notice and celebrate small moments

• step into each child’s world individually

Even simple moments such as a shared activity, a short drive, or watching something together can help a child feel seen and valued.

When teens try to “fix” things

Some teenagers respond to family stress by becoming overly helpful or trying to please others. While this can appear positive, it may reflect:

• a sense of responsibility

• an attempt to reduce tension

• underlying anxiety or pressure

Over time, this can lead to exhaustion or burnout. Noticing these patterns and gently addressing what’s happening can help relieve that pressure.

Supporting teens through difficult family situations

Whether dealing with separation, illness, or ongoing tension, some key approaches include:

• being open, but not overwhelming

• keeping communication steady and age-appropriate

• involving school or trusted adults where helpful

• maintaining routines and structure

• allowing a range of emotional responses

Ali also reiterated the importance of parents looking after themselves, as supporting teenagers is much harder when parents are overwhelmed or unsupported.

What to remember

Family life is rarely perfect, and most teenagers will experience some form of stress or tension at home at some point. Parents do not need to get everything right. What matters most is:

• being present

• staying curious

• keeping communication open

• offering steadiness, even when things feel uncertain

As Ali reminded us, connection is built over time — and often through small, everyday moments rather than one big conversation.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist, Ali Kosiner on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

Centre for ADHD and Autism Support for young people and families, including social groups
https://adhdandautism.org/

Brent Centre for Young People
Specialist adolescent mental health service supporting young people and parents https://www.brentcentre.org.uk/

Mill Hill Therapy Hub
A network of mental health professionals including therapists, psychologists and ADHD coaches Home - Mill Hill Therapy Hub

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dick Moore spoke with honesty and warmth about why these conversations matter, how parents can approach them, and what can help young people feel less alone when life feels overwhelming.

Why these conversations matter

One of the key pillars of the conversation was that talking about emotions should start early. Young people need to know that all emotions are part of being human. Some are painful, some are easier to manage, but emotions are not “bad” and they do not stay at their most frightening intensity forever.

Dick described these moments as emotional storms. Sometimes they may feel like drizzle; at other times, they may feel like a hurricane. What helps is preparing young people before the storm arrives, so they know that difficult feelings can pass, that they do not have to face them alone, and that there are people they can lean on when things feel too much.

Parents can help by:

• modelling emotional honesty

• staying calm when difficult feelings are shared

• listening more than trying to fix

• avoiding judgmental language

For some young people, suicidal thoughts may be linked to a wish to escape intense emotional pain, rather than a simple wish to die. This is why connection, openness and timely support matter so much.

What might sit underneath suicidal thoughts?

Suicide is complicated and it rarely has one single cause. A final event may appear to be the reason, but there is often a much wider backstory.

Distress may be linked to:

• relationship difficulties

• bullying

• fear of failure

• uncertainty around sexuality or identity

• pressure at school

• low mood or hopelessness

• feeling like a burden

Dick also spoke about behaviour as communication. A young person’s anger, withdrawal, self-harm or emotional outbursts may be telling us something important, even if they cannot yet put it into words.

What parents might notice

Every young person is different, and sometimes there may be no obvious signs. However, possible warning signs can include:

• giving away possessions

• saying they feel like a burden

• becoming unusually hopeless, tearful or aggressive

• withdrawing from family, school or friends

• showing little interest in the future

• talking about escape or not wanting to be here

Noticing a change does not mean parents need to panic, but it does mean the concern should be taken seriously.

How to ask about suicide

A clear message from the session was that asking about suicide does not put the idea into a young person’s head. If you are worried, it is important that someone asks directly and calmly.

The three key questions Dick shared were:

• Are you thinking of taking your own life?

• Have you thought about how you might do that?

• What is keeping you safe?

For a parent, these questions can feel very hard to ask. If you are worried, or have reason to worry, and do not feel able to ask them yourself, it is important to find someone who can. This might be a trusted adult at school, a relative, a GP, CAMHS, or a specialist helpline such as Papyrus Hopeline.

What helps in the moment

When emotions are very high, it is rarely the best time for a long conversation. A calmer approach may be:

“Please talk to me, or talk to someone, about how you are feeling.” Then, when things have cooled down, you might return to it gently:

“You were in a very difficult place the other night, and I was worried. What could I say or do next time that might help you feel safer?”

Helpful responses include:

• staying as calm as possible

• listening without rushing to solve

• asking who else they would talk to

• reminding them they are loved

• keeping connection at the centre

Boundaries still matter, but they work best when revisited calmly, rather than in the heat of the moment.

The online world

For some young people, the online world can offer connection, especially if they feel isolated or socially unsure. But it can also expose them to harmful content and, depending on what they’re engaging with, can amplify feelings, reinforce negative thinking, or increase their vulnerability.

Dick’s message was not to demonise social media, but to stay curious and informed. Parents can help by:

• asking young people to talk about the platforms they use and why

• starting conversations early

• putting safeguards in place before there is a crisis

• seeking advice from schools or trusted organisations

Safety planning and support

Safety plans can help, especially when they are created calmly and include practical steps, trusted people and sources of support. You can find a helpful example through Parental Minds, including their Thrive Directory safety plan.

Parents should seek additional help if a young person is talking about suicide, feels unsafe, or if there are ongoing concerns about their wellbeing. This may include school safeguarding staff, a GP, CAMHS, Papyrus Hopeline, or emergency services if there is immediate risk.

A key reminder from the session was that confidentiality does not apply in the same way when a young person is at risk of suicide. If a young person shares that they intend to harm themselves, adults need to act.For schools

Dick encouraged schools not to avoid this subject. Emotional and mental health should be part of school life, and suicide prevention should be approached carefully, age-appropriately and clearly.

Schools can help by:

• having a clear suicide prevention protocol

• training staff to recognise and respond to risk

• creating safe opportunities for older students to discuss emotional storms

• working with parents when concerns arise

What to remember

Parents cannot control everything, and that can feel frightening, but they can give themselves the best chance of making a difference by staying connected, keeping conversations open, and making sure their child knows they are loved.

As Dick said, young people may not always want to talk to their parents, but they need to know there is someone they can lean on when life feels too heavy.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hun with Dick Moore here.

Resources

• NSPCC: Online safety and social media

• Brené Brown: Empathy vs Sympathy

• Papyrus Hopeline

• Parental Minds Safety Plan: Thrive Directory

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Family Psychotherapist for the National Centre for Gaming Disorders, Alison Smith spoke about why gaming can become so compelling, when it becomes a concern, and how parents can respond in a way that supports both boundaries and connection.

Why is gaming so engaging?

Gaming offers reward, progress and connection all of which are particularly appealing during adolescence. It can provide:

• a sense of achievement

• social connection

• a way to switch off from pressure

One of the things highlighted in the session was how certain games are designed to keep players coming back. The three most commonly seen in clinical settings are Fortnite, Minecraft and Call of Duty. These games often run on continuous loops with no clear end point, meaning there’s always “one more round”, “one more level” or another reward just ahead. Combined with team play, live interaction and in-game rewards that appear at just the right moment, this makes it particularly hard for teenagers to stop, not because they don’t want to, but because the design keeps them engaged. For some young people, especially those who are neurodiverse, gaming can also feel more manageable than everyday life.

When does it become a concern?

Gaming becomes more of a concern when it shifts from something a young person enjoys to something that feels hard to control, when it starts to take priority and is difficult to reduce. You might notice:

• struggling to stop

• difficulty sleeping

• withdrawal from family or school

• continuing despite negative effects

What sits underneath?

A key message from this session was that gaming is often not the main issue. It may be helping a young person cope with:

• anxiety or pressure

• social difficulties

• low mood or confidence

• overwhelm

Understanding this can change how parents respond.

What helps

When tensions rise, moving straight to restriction can increase conflict. Instead, a helpful starting point is:

• staying calm

• being curious

• showing interest

For example: “I can see this matters to you, what do you enjoy about it?” Alongside this, clear boundaries still matter. These tend to work best when:

• discussed at calm times

• introduced collaboratively

• consistent, rather than reactive

Looking beyond gaming

Rather than focusing only on reducing screen time, it can help to widen a young person’s world by:

• encouraging other strengths or interests

• involving trusted adults or peers

• recognising small steps

The aim is to build balance, rather than simply remove gaming altogether. What matters most is staying connected, being curious about what gaming is doing for your teenager, and keeping communication open, even when it feels difficult.

When to seek additional support

It may help to seek support if gaming is affecting sleep, school or wellbeing, or if tensions at home are ongoing. This could include school support, a GP, CAMHS or specialist services like the National Centre for Gaming Disorders who have a self-referral option.

At the National Centre for Gaming Disorders, clinicians typically look for three key patterns, usually present over a period of 12 months or more:

• Difficulty stopping or controlling gaming

• Gaming becoming more important than anything else (including school, friendships or family life)

• Continuing to game despite negative consequences, such as poor sleep, conflict at home or struggling at school

These patterns tend to build over time, which is why they can be easy to miss at first.

Watch the full session

Watch the full session with Alison Smith on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here.

Resources

Link to National Centre for Gaming Disorders website

Recommended Self Help Resources

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Child and Educational Psychologist Dr Mollie Higgins explored what sits underneath Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA), why it can develop, and how parents and schools can work together to support a young person back into education.

What is EBSA?

EBSA is not a diagnosis, but a broad term used to describe difficulties attending school where emotional distress is the driving factor.

You may also hear terms like:

• school avoidance

• school non-attendance

• attendance difficulties

What matters is the understanding behind the language. Moving away from terms like “school refusal” is important as it suggests choice, when in reality many young people feel unable to attend, rather than being unwilling.

EBSA can look different for every child. It might involve:

• not attending school at all

• arriving late or leaving early

• avoiding specific lessons or parts of the day

• being in school but unable to engage in learning

The common thread is that something about school feels too difficult to manage emotionally.

Why does it happen?

There is rarely a single cause. EBSA often develops through a combination of factors, including:

Academic pressure - Struggling to keep up, or feeling unable to succeed, can lead to anxiety around learning.

Social challenges - Friendship difficulties, feeling isolated, or experiencing bullying can all affect a young person’s sense of safety in school.
Sensory overwhelm - Busy corridors, noise levels and the general pace of school (particularly in secondary settings) can feel intensely uncomfortable, especially for neurodiverse young people.
Things outside of school - Worries at home, changes in family circumstances, or broader emotional stress can also impact a young person’s ability to attend.

For some teenagers, it’s not one clear issue. When asked what feels difficult, the answer may simply “Everything.” This is where careful, gradual exploration becomes key.

Why early support matters

One of the biggest risks with EBSA is how quickly patterns can become established.. Avoiding school can bring short-term relief in that anxiety drops, and the young person feels better in the moment. But over time, this can make returning feel even harder. Missing just a few days of school can lead to worries such as:

• “I’ve fallen behind”

• “I won’t know what’s going on”

• “What will people say?”

This builds a cycle where absence increases anxiety, and anxiety increases absence. Early recognition helps prevent this pattern from becoming more deeply embedded.

Signs to look out for

The early signs are not always obvious, and can often be missed or misunderstood. They might include:

• reluctance to talk about school

• increased anxiety on Sunday evenings or after holidays

• physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches

• changes in mood after school (holding things together all day, then releasing at home)

• small shifts in attendance, like lateness or avoiding certain lessons

Parents often see a different side to what schools observe which is why communication between home and school is so important.

What helps in the moment

When a young person says they can’t go to school, it can be difficult to know how to respond.

A helpful starting point is:

• acknowledge how they feel

• stay calm and steady

• be curious, not confrontational

For example:

• “I can see this feels really hard”

• “I wonder what’s making today particularly difficult”

This approach helps keep communication open, while still supporting movement forward.

Working with schools

Supporting a young person with EBSA works best when parents and schools work together.

Key elements include:

• keeping communication open

• maintaining a sense of connection to school (even during absence)

• identifying a trusted adult in school

• building a gradual and flexible return plan

A full return straight away is often unrealistic. Instead, progress might look like:

• attending for part of the day

• starting with one lesson

• arriving later

Small, consistent steps are more effective than trying to do everything at once.

Finding the balance

One of the hardest parts for parents is balancing support with not reinforcing avoidance. What helps is:

• validating the feeling (“I know this is hard”)

• holding a boundary (“we will still try”)

• focusing on effort, not outcome

Even small steps matter as they are pivotal in rebuilding confidence over time.

Supporting young people with SEND

For young people with neurodiversity or additional needs, EBSA can be more complex. Support needs to go beyond the individual and include:

• adjustments within the school environment

• understanding sensory and social demands

• recognising burnout or overwhelm

Alongside this, psychological support might also be needed to help young people to understand their anxiety, build coping strategies and develop confidence in managing difficult situations. It is most effective when home, school and external support work together, rather than in isolation.

When to seek additional support

It may be helpful to look for further support when:

• absence becomes more frequent or prolonged

• anxiety is intense or persistent

• there is little progress over time

• a young person is no longer engaging with learning

This might include school-based support, GP or CAMHS, educational psychologists or therapeutic support. Where possible, choosing professionals who understand neurodiversity can be particularly helpful and look out for HCPC and BACP accreditations.

For parents: a key reminder

One of the most important messages from this session was this: EBSA is not a reflection of your parenting.

It can feel personal, and it can feel overwhelming, but supporting a young person through this is about patience, understanding and working together and not thinking you’re going to get it “right” every time. Progress may be gradual, and at times slow, but with consistent support, open communication, collaboration between home and school, young people can rebuild confidence and re-engage with education.

Watch the full session with Dr Mollie Higgins on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here now.

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dr Monica Parkinson, Clinical Psychologist and Author spoke about what panic is, how it presents in teenagers, and what actually helps. Drawing on her experience of working with young people and families, she focused on how to understand what’s happening and how to respond in a way that supports recovery rather than reinforcing the cycle.

Why Does Panic Feels Intense

Panic is a physical response. For some teens, it’s subtle. For others, it can escalate quickly and be incredibly frightening. It may include:

• dizziness or feeling faint

• loss of balance

• choking sensations

• a racing heart

• shakiness

• sweating, nausea or stomach pains

• tingling or numbness

• hot flushes or chills

• intense fear, such as feeling like you might die or are “going crazy”

Some young people may also begin to feel anxious about being in certain places, particularly where they worry they won’t be able to leave easily. This can lead to avoidance of situations or a fear of going out.

There is also a difference between panic symptoms and panic disorder. Many young people experience panic symptoms at times of stress or anxiety. Panic disorder is when those symptoms begin to significantly interfere with daily life. An important point for parents: panic feels dangerous, but it isn’t.

How Panic Builds: The Cycle

Panic often develops through a cycle of thoughts, body sensations and behaviours. It can start with something small, even an internal sensation like a racing heart or feeling hot. What matters is how the young person interprets it.

“It is the meaning they put to it that starts off the panic cycle.”

For example:

• A sensation → “Something’s wrong”

• Anxiety increases → physical symptoms intensify

• The young person tries to cope or escape → which reinforces the fear

Over time, this can lead to avoidance of certain places or situations, making the cycle stronger.

Subtle Signs of Panic

Panic is not always obvious. Many parents don’t initially realise that panic is what’s driving behaviour. You might notice:

• withdrawing or going quiet

• reluctance or refusal to attend school or social situations

• restlessness or agitation

• needing to leave situations suddenly

• visible distress such as crying or hyperventilating

Often, parents see the behaviour but not what’s underneath it. “It can be a lightbulb moment when families realise what’s actually going on.”

Supporting Without Reinforcing the Cycle

When a teen is distressed, the instinct is to protect and remove them from the situation. While understandable, this can sometimes strengthen the panic cycle.

Panic is often maintained by:

• avoidance (leaving or not entering ‘anxiety inducing’ situations)

• safety behaviours (things a young person feels they must do to cope)

“Anxiety is very good at recruiting people and behaviours to join it.”

What helps instead is a balance:

• acknowledging how difficult it feels

• staying calm and steady

• gently encouraging small steps forward

Helpful approaches include:

• noticing without pressure: “It looks like that felt really hard”

• choosing low-pressure moments to talk

• staying alongside rather than rushing to fix

• supporting gradual exposure to situations

Questions to Help You Understand What’s Happening

A simple way to explore panic with your teen is to break it into three parts:

1. Thoughts
What’s going through your mind? What’s the worst thing you think might happen?

2. Body
How does your body feel? What does your body tell you in that situation?

3. Safety Behaviour
What do you do to try to cope or feel safer?

These questions help both parent and teen make sense of the experience and begin to step back from it. It is important to look out for avoidant and restrictive safety behaviours.

The Role of Avoidance

One of the biggest challenges with panic is that it can spread. If a panic episode happens in a particular place, a young person may start to avoid it. Over time, this avoidance can extend to more situations so that “their zone of safety starts to shrink.” The aim is neither to avoid situations nor to force exposure, but to take small, manageable steps back towards those situations, helping the young person learn that it will feel challenging but, the intensity will pass and they can cope.

When to Seek Extra Support

Additional support may be helpful when:

• panic is affecting school, friendships or daily routines

• avoidance is increasing

• distress is frequent or intense

Starting points include school, your GP, and local NHS or CAMHS resources. It’s also important to rule out any underlying physical causes if symptoms are unusual.

Takeaway

Panic feels overwhelming, but it is not harmful, and it is very treatable. Dr Monika Parkinson shared that, “doing nothing is often the best remedy.” That means:

• not rushing to escape

• allowing the feeling to rise and fall

• staying in the situation where possible

For parents and teens, this can feel completely counterintuitive. But calm, steady support, alongside gentle encouragement, helps young people build confidence that they can manage what they are feeling.

Watch the full session with Dr Monika Parkinson on the Let’s All Talk Mental Health hub here now.

Resources

Book - Free from Panic by Dr Monika Parkinson

CAMHS Support - https://oxfordhealth.nhs.uk/camhs/self-care/anxiety/self-help/

Alongside her clinical work, Dr Williams is also the founder of Rumii, a teen mental health app designed to help young people better understand their behaviour and emotional wellbeing.

Teenage Brains and Technology

Adolescence is a period of huge brain development, particularly in areas linked to impulse control and emotional regulation. Dr Williams described this as a time when young people are naturally more emotionally reactive and less able to regulate impulses, even before technology is introduced. The addition of constant digital stimulation creates further challenges. Research suggests that frequent interruptions from notifications and content can affect sustained attention, making it harder for young people to stay focused and return to tasks.

At the same time, technology offers opportunities for creativity, learning and connection. The key issue is not simply how much time is spent online, but the relationship a young person has with technology.

Engagement & Entertainment

Digital platforms are not neutral. Many are designed to hold attention through reward systems, social feedback and algorithmic amplification.Dr Williams explained that these systems often use variable reward patterns, meaning young people do not always know when they will receive a positive response. This unpredictability can make platforms highly engaging and difficult to step away from. Algorithms do not just show content, they shape what young people notice, believe and value. Dr Williams explained that the impact is not the same for every young person. The impact of technology varies. For some young people it is positive, for others it can be challenging, and for many it has little effect. However, where there are existing vulnerabilities, technology can amplify difficulties, particularly through its effect on sleep and mood.

Sleep as a Foundation

One of the clearest links in the research is between technology use and sleep disruption. When devices are used late into the evening, or accessed during the night, sleep patterns can become fragmented. This has a direct impact on mood, emotional regulation and the ability to cope with everyday challenges.

Dr Williams emphasised that if parents are going to prioritise one boundary, it should be around sleep. Keeping devices out of bedrooms and protecting time before sleep can make a meaningful difference to a young person’s overall wellbeing.

Supporting Without Power Struggles

Strict bans can often lead to conflict or secrecy. Instead, the focus should be on staying alongside young people and building understanding. Helpful approaches include:

• Asking open, curious questions

• Talking about how algorithms work

• Reflecting on how content makes them feel

• Keeping communication open and calm

Banning often pushes things underground. Conversation keeps the door open. The strength of the parent-child relationship remains the most important factor.

What to Look Out For

A healthy balance includes sleep, school engagement, social connection and offline activity.

Changes in behaviour such as withdrawal, poor sleep or increased anxiety can signal that something needs attention.

These moments are opportunities to reconnect and support, rather than react.

Role Modelling

We also spoke about the role of parents’ own behaviour. Research shows that when adults have a difficult relationship with technology, young people are more likely to develop similar patterns. Being distracted, constantly checking devices or using screens to manage stress all send powerful signals about what is normal. Taking time to reflect on our own habits can be an important part of supporting young people.

Final Thoughts

There is no simple answer when it comes to teenagers and technology. Its impact varies from one young person to another, and the research continues to evolve. However, the session offered a clear and reassuring message. What matters most is not having perfect rules, but building strong, open relationships where conversations can happen. Dr Williams encouraged parents to stay curious, keep communication open, and prioritise sleep as a key foundation for wellbeing. With consistent support and guidance, young people can develop the awareness and skills they need to manage their digital lives in a healthy way.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s all Talk Mental Health session with Dr Fin Williams here on the hub, alongside a growing library of expert-led support for parents, carers and schools.

Resources

Dr Williams’ - Rumii App (14-25 years old)

LATMH Session on Sleep with Dr Faith Orchard

Jonathan Haidt - The Anxious Generation

In this week’s Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, host Tara Dolby was joined by Dr Russell Woodhead, Clinical Psychologist, who specialises in psychological therapy for teenagers and young adults, with a particular focus on trauma.

Together they discussed what trauma is, how it can affect young people, and what parents and schools can do to help teenagers feel safe enough to begin healing.

What Trauma Really Means

Trauma is often associated with a single frightening event, such as an accident or assault. However, Dr Woodhead added that trauma is not only about the event itself, but about how the brain experiences and processes that event.

When something is overwhelmingly stressful, the brain’s normal memory-processing system can become disrupted. Instead of filing the experience away as a past event, the memory can remain vivid and emotionally present. Trauma can therefore arise from different types of experiences, including:

Single events

• Accidents or medical emergencies

• Assaults or serious incidents

• Witnessing distressing events

Ongoing experiences

• Bullying or social exclusion

• Persistent criticism or hostility from adults

• Emotional neglect or unpredictability in caregiving

Dr Woodhead also mentioned that for teenagers, peer rejection can feel like a serious threat, because belonging to a social group is developmentally important during adolescence.

Signs a Teen May Be Struggling

When a young person is struggling to process an upsetting experience, the signs are not always obvious. Sometimes teenagers may describe:

• Intrusive memories or flashbacks

• Vivid dreams or nightmares

• Feeling constantly on edge

But in many cases the signs are more subtle. Parents and teachers might notice:

• Emotional outbursts that seem disproportionate

• Withdrawal or avoidance of certain situations

• Panic, anxiety or shutdown responses

• Difficulty concentrating or engaging at school

These reactions can occur because the brain is anticipating danger, even when the current environment is safe.

Why Adolescence Can Make Trauma Harder

Adolescence is already a time of emotional intensity. During these years the emotional parts of the brain develop more quickly than the parts responsible for reasoning and regulation. This can make overwhelming experiences harder to process. Dr Woodhead explained that adolescence also introduces new triggers, including:

• Increased independence and responsibility

• Romantic and social relationships

• Greater awareness of past experiences

As a result, experiences that seemed manageable earlier in childhood may resurface more strongly during the teenage years.

Creating a Sense of Safety

One of the most important messages from the session was that healing from trauma begins with consistent experiences of safety. A young person’s brain may have learned to expect danger, so recovery happens when repeated experiences gradually show that the world can be predictable and safe. Practical ways to support this might include:

Providing safe spaces

• A bedroom or quiet area at home where the young person feels in control

• A calm, private space at school where they can go if overwhelmed

Predictability and routine

• Clear expectations about daily structure

• Consistent responses from adults

Warm, steady support

• Remaining calm during emotional moments

• Being present and available without pressure to talk

Dr Woodhead again added that showing up consistently as a safe adult can be really powerful in helping the brain update its expectations about the world.

When Professional Support Can Help

Trauma therapy can be very effective, particularly when delivered by trained professionals. Two approaches recommended in national guidelines include:

Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (TF-CBT): This helps young people explore links between thoughts, emotions and behaviour, while gradually processing the traumatic memory.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing): A structured therapy that helps the brain process traumatic memories while keeping the young person grounded in the present.

However, Dr Woodhead underlined that the quality of the relationship between therapist and young person is often the most important factor in successful therapy.

Trauma and Neurodiversity

The session also touched on the relationship between trauma and neurodiversity. Some neurodivergent young people may experience the world as more overwhelming due to sensory sensitivities or social challenges. This can mean they encounter:

• Frequent sensory overload

• Increased criticism or misunderstanding

• Higher levels of social rejection

Over time, these experiences can shape beliefs such as “I can’t handle this” or “something is wrong with me.” Understanding this context can help adults respond with greater compassion and appropriate support.

Final Thoughts

Trauma can feel overwhelming for both young people and the adults supporting them. But the central message from this session was one of hope. Teenagers’ brains are highly adaptable, and recovery is very possible when young people are surrounded by consistent safety, understanding and supportive relationships. Dr Woodhead reminded us:

“Every time you stay steady when a young person is struggling, every time you show up and don’t leave, you are helping their brain learn that the world can be safe again.”

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Russell Woodhead here on the Hub, alongside our growing library of expert-led conversations about adolescent mental health, neurodiversity, parenting problems and social issues. Dr Russell Woodhead here on the hub.

Resources

Books:
The Simple Guide to Child Trauma by Betsy de Thierry

Helping Your Child with Loss and Trauma by David Trickey

Therapy:
BABCP (for TF-CBT therapists): https://portal.babcp.com/therapist/list

EMDR UK: https://map.emdrassociation.org.uk/

DDP: https://ddpnetwork.org/professionals/find-a-practitioner-or-therapist/

As always, these sessions offer insight and guidance. If you are concerned about your teen’s wellbeing, please seek personalised advice from your GP or a qualified healthcare professional.

In this week’s Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, host Tara Dolby was joined by resident clinical psychologist Dr Sarah-Jane Knight to explore how autism and ADHD can overlap in teenagers, why adolescence can be a particularly challenging time for neurodivergent young people, and how parents can focus on practical and appropriate support, rather than getting too caught up in labels.

“AuDHD”

One of the first points Sarah-Jane made was that AuDHD is not currently a formal diagnosis. Clinically, autism and ADHD are separate neurodevelopmental conditions, although it is common for them to appear together.

If a young person has a diagnosis of autism, the likelihood of also having ADHD is significantly higher than in the general population. Equally, someone with ADHD may show autistic traits such as sensory sensitivities or difficulties with social processing. Rather than focusing too heavily on labels, Sarah-Jane emphasised that it’s more helpful to understand the individual profile of the young person:

• What are the areas they struggle with most?

• What situations overwhelm them?

• What helps them regulate and cope?

Diagnosis can be important for accessing support and services, but ultimately it is the support plan around the individual that will make the greatest difference.

Why Adolescence Can Be Difficult

Adolescence is a period of huge developmental change for any young person. Hormonal changes, social pressures and increasing independence all place greater demands on emotional regulation and executive functioning. For teens with autistic and ADHD traits, this stage can feel particularly intense. School environments often require students to:

• Sit still for long periods

• Manage multiple subjects and classrooms

• Navigate complex social situations

• Handle increasing academic pressure

For some neurodivergent teens this level of demand can be exhausting. Sarah-Jane reassured parents that adolescence can sometimes be a particularly intense phase, but it does not define the future. Young people who seem unsettled at 13 or 14 may look very different by their early twenties as their brains mature and the right support strategies take effect.

The Challenge of Everyday Demands

One of the biggest areas of difficulty for many neurodivergent teens is executive functioning which are the set of skills that help us organise, plan and manage daily life.

This includes things like:

• remembering homework

• organising school materials

• planning tasks

• managing time

• initiating work

In mainstream schools these skills are often assumed rather than taught, which can leave some students feeling overwhelmed. Parents may need to provide more structure and practical support than expected for their teen’s age. Helping with things like packing a school bag, organising tasks or planning revision can reduce stress significantly while those skills are still developing.

Recognising Signs of Burnout

When demands exceed a young person’s coping capacity, burnout can occur. Burnout can look like:

• increased emotional reactivity

• withdrawal or shutdown

• reduced resilience to everyday stress

• exhaustion after school

• a drop in coping skills

Many parents see this most clearly after school, when their teen finally releases the pressure they have been holding together during the day. Allowing some emotional decompression with clear boundaries can help. For example:

• offering quiet recovery time after school

• reducing unnecessary demands

• building predictable routines

• supporting emotional literacy

Emotional Literacy Matters

One area Sarah-Jane encouraged parents to focus on is emotional literacy to help teenagers recognise and name what they are feeling. Some young people naturally develop this skill, while others need more support. Simple suggestions included:

• naming emotions in everyday conversation

• reflecting feelings back to your teen

• discussing what helps when they feel overwhelmed

• identifying triggers and coping strategies together

Developing these skills gives young people tools they can use throughout their life, not just during adolescence.

Adjustments That Can Help

Many of the strategies that support neurodivergent teens are actually quite simple and can include:

• quiet spaces for regulation

• movement breaks during the day

• predictable routines

• sensory adjustments at home

• regular opportunities to reset after school

Sarah-Jane mentioned that some of these adjustments are already common in specialist schools but can be harder to implement in mainstream environments. Even small changes, however, can significantly reduce stress for a young person.

Talking to Your Teen About Their Profile

When discussing neurodiversity with teenagers, Sarah-Jane suggested avoiding complicated terminology where possible and instead focusing on understanding their personal profile. A helpful suggestion was to create a simple mind map together:

• What situations feel stressful?

• What triggers overwhelm?

• What helps them regulate?

• What strategies have worked before?

This approach shifts the focus from diagnosis to problem-solving and empowerment.

What We Know as Parents

Perhaps the most reassuring message of the session was that parents already hold an important advantage: they know their child better than anyone else. While diagnoses can be helpful, parents often know their child better than anyone else, and that understanding can be just as important when working out what support will help most. By focusing on what helps their individual child regulate, cope and thrive, parents can help build support mechanisms that go beyond adolescence.

Takeaway

Neurodevelopmental labels can sometimes feel confusing or overwhelming, especially when new terms appear in online conversations. Rather than becoming too focused on labels, parents can make the greatest difference by:

• understanding their child’s individual profile

• identifying triggers and supports

• building practical strategies together

• supporting emotional literacy and regulation

Every young person’s neurodevelopmental profile is unique. With patience, structure and supportive relationships, many teenagers gradually develop the skills they need to navigate the world in their own way.

Watch the Session

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Sarah-Jane Knight here on the Hub, alongside our growing library of expert-led conversations about adolescent mental health, neurodiversity, parenting problems and social issues.

As always, these sessions provide general guidance. If you are concerned about your teen’s wellbeing, please seek personalised advice from your GP or healthcare professional.

In this week’s Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, host Tara Dolby was joined by Jessica Hawley, CEO of the RAP Foundation (Raising Awareness and Prevention), to talk about teen friendships, peer dynamics and how parents can support young people to communicate with confidence, handle judgment and build courage in their relationships.

The Pressure to Fit In

Adolescence is wired for belonging. Teenagers are biologically driven to find their place in a peer group because fitting in often feels safer than standing out.

But today’s social landscape adds layers of complexity:

• Social media amplifies comparison and fear of exclusion (FOMO)

• Online echo chambers reinforce “my truth” narratives

• Cancel culture creates anxiety about saying the wrong thing

• Group dynamics can quickly escalate judgment or negativity

It’s not easy for teenagers to sit neutrally. Many feel pressure to follow public opinion and to express it publicly. Parents can help by reinforcing that it is possible to hold different opinions and still maintain relationships.

Feelings vs Ideas

One practical tool Jess shared was helping teens distinguish between feelings and ideas.

• Feelings are valid and personal and they cannot be “argued away.”

• Ideas can be questioned, explored and debated respectfully.

Teaching young people to say: “That made me feel uncomfortable,” instead of:“You’re wrong,” might just shift the tone of a disagreement immediately. This separation helps teens to start thinking without escalating conflict (and it also builds emotional literacy as well as confidence).

When Group Dynamics Turn Negative

Many parents see situations where one or two strong personalities dominate a friendship group, while others quietly go along with unkindness or judgment. Standing apart from the group takes courage. And courage is a skill that can be practised. Jess talked about the theory that peer groups establish their own informal rules, and so while schools provide boundaries, it is teenagers themselves who decide:

• What language is acceptable

• What behaviour is tolerated

• What “banter” crosses a line

• Whether exclusion is tolerated

• Who has social power

The encouraging reality? One voice can shift a group dynamic. Often others feel uncomfortable too, they are simply waiting for someone else to speak first.

Social Media and Belonging

Online behaviour is not separate from friendship; it is an extension of it. Teens may repost content not because they agree with it, but because they want likes/maintain streaks, social currency and to feel included. Rather than reacting with alarm, parents can model curiosity:

• “What was that post about?”

• “How did it make you feel?”

• “What do you think it might have meant to others?”

These questions invite reflection rather than defensiveness.

Handling Different Opinions at Home

When there are different opinions, things can get tense, the key may not be better arguments, but better listening. Jess shared some of the principles she picked up on a recent course for active listening:

• Notice non-verbal cues before engaging

• Choose timing carefully

• Avoid multitasking during important conversations - try and be present and engaged

• Reflect feelings back (“That sounds frustrating”)

• Respond to emotions before addressing solutions

Try to remember that children are not extensions of their parents. They may form views that differ significantly from those at home. Creating space to explore how they arrived at those views builds resilience and maturity. When teens feel heard, they are more open to perspective.

The Role of Courage

Throughout the session, one theme stood out: courage. Courage to:

• Ask a friend what they meant by something

• Say “that didn’t feel right”

• Step back from group negativity

• Apologise

• Forgive

• Hold an opinion respectfully

• Be slightly braver today than yesterday

Small acts of courage compound over time. Each moment builds self-esteem. And teenagers with a strong sense of self are less dependent on crowd approval.

Expanding Belonging

Sometimes friendship difficulties stem from feeling stuck. Encouraging teens to widen their world, through hobbies, clubs, sport, creative activities or shared interests which just increases opportunities to find “their people.” Belonging does not have to come from one group.

What RAP See in Schools

Jess offered a hopeful message from her work with hundreds of students across the UK:

• Many teens are thoughtful and empathetic

• They crave positive conversations about relationships

• They want tools and not lectures

• They respond when treated as capable and mature

Young people rise when we raise expectations with warmth.

Takeaway

Human relationships are complicated at every age. But teens can learn to:

• Separate feelings from ideas

• Disagree without destroying connection

• Question group norms

• Reflect before reacting

• Practise courage in small ways

Parents do not need perfect answers. What matters most is creating space for conversation, modelling respectful disagreement and reminding young people that belonging should never require them to lose themselves. Steady guidance, open dialogue and incremental courage go a long way.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Jessica Hawley here on the hub, alongside our growing library of expert-led conversations.

As always, these sessions offer guidance and insight. If you are concerned about your teen’s wellbeing, do seek personalised advice from your GP or healthcare professional.

Resources

Book - Dr Catherine Sanderson - The Bystander Effect: The Psychology of Courage and Inaction

Short Video - Mayor of London/Ogilvy - Have a word with yourself, then your mates (for a slightly older audience)

In this week’s Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, host Tara Dolby was joined by our resident Clinical Psychologist, Dr Sarah Jane Knight, to talk about overwhelmed teens, anxiety, avoidance and how parents can respond with calm, confident authority rather than control or panic.

Stress or overwhelm?

Stress is not the enemy. Anxiety is a normal human response. None of us escape it. The key question isn’t “Is my teen stressed?” but rather:

• Has something shifted significantly?

• Is their resilience lower than usual?

• Are their reactions more intense or lasting longer?

• Has their behaviour changed in a marked way?

Some teenagers are naturally more anxious by temperament. Others are more laidback. As parents, you often know your child’s baseline. It’s the noticeable shift that matters.

There are also predictable stress points:

• Transition to secondary school

• GCSE and A-level years

• Friendship breakdowns or social changes

• Break-ups

• Feeling excluded

These experiences can feel overwhelming to teenagers who don’t yet have the life experience to normalise intense emotional reactions. What feels temporary to an adult can feel catastrophic to a 14-year-old. So sometimes the most helpful first step is simply increasing emotional availability and slightly reducing pressure, rather than rushing to fix.

Behaviour is a signal, not the problem

When teens are stressed, behaviour often deteriorates. Irritability increases. Doors slam. Language worsens. Motivation drops. It’s easy to focus on the behaviour as the problem. But behaviour is usually the signal. If the only goal is to “stop the behaviour,” parents often find themselves locked in daily battles. A more helpful question is:

What’s driving this behaviour? What does this behaviour mean?

That doesn’t mean allowing unsafe behaviour. Sneaking out at night, for example, must be addressed. But allowing a certain degree of door-slamming and swearing during a stressful patch may require a different response. Sometimes one calm sentence is enough:

“I didn’t like being spoken to that way. I know you’re stressed. We’ll talk later.”

Avoid lecture mode. Teens usually know when they’ve overstepped. Lengthy explanations rarely help when emotions are running high.

Pick your battles

When a teen is overwhelmed, trying to correct everything can escalate stress for both of you. Dr Knight emphasised keeping the fundamentals in place:

• School attendance

• Reasonable sleep

• Food

• Some movement/exercise

• Some social contact

Beyond that, ask:

• What truly matters?

• What is non-negotiable?

• What can temporarily soften?

If everything becomes a battleground, connection suffers.

The power of “not now”

Timing matters. When emotions are running high, the brain isn’t in a state to process reasoning. Taking space isn’t avoidance; it’s regulation. Instead of escalating, try:

“We’re both a bit worked up. Let’s pause and come back to this.”

This models emotional regulation. It shows that stepping away is strength, not weakness. Often, if something truly matters, it will come back around naturally. Not every misstep requires a full debrief.

Small steps beat big expectations

When teens feel overwhelmed, large goals can feel impossible. A possible solution is chunking where you break everything down to small parts:

• Reduce revision to 10-minute blocks.

• Tidy one drawer, not the whole room.

• Improve sleep by 15 minutes earlier, not two hours.

• Remove phones from the dinner table before tackling total screen limits.

Start with the smallest, most achievable step. Success builds momentum. Overwhelm shrinks when tasks feel manageable. The same applies to connection. Three peaceful minutes in the kitchen is a win. Sitting together watching something light on TV can be enough to lower tension.

School anxiety: scaffolding, not siding

School-related anxiety is common. Parents can help by:

• Simplifying mornings.

• Reducing decision-making load.

• Adding nurture after school.

• Breaking terms into smaller, tolerable chunks.

• Collaborating calmly with school.

What’s less helpful is joining in some of their negativity about teachers or school systems. While schools aren’t perfect, reinforcing hopelessness can deepen avoidance. Instead:

“That sounds really hard. Let’s think about what might make this week easier.”

Support without fuelling despair.

Hormones and emotional spikes

For some girls, the two days before a period can bring intense overwhelm or despair. Naming it gently and normalising it can help:

• Anticipate it.

• Increase nurture.

• Reduce pressure where possible.

• Create a simple “care plan” together.

If symptoms are severe or disruptive, seeking GP advice is appropriate. But for many, it’s about compassion and planning rather than panic.

Motivation and the phone

The disengaged teen glued to their phone is a familiar picture. Try to remember:

• Adolescent motivation systems are still developing.

• Comparison culture online amplifies feelings of inadequacy.

• Discipline and long-term perspective mature slowly.

Start small:

• No phones at meals.

• Capture connection in the car.

• Watch something familiar and funny together.

• Build from tiny wins.

Progress in adolescence is rarely linear. Expect two steps forward, one step back.

Parental authority (without control)

The session closed with a powerful concept: parental authority, drawn from nonviolent resistance parenting approaches.

Parental authority is not harshness.
It is not punishment.
It is not control.
It is calm, firm, grounded confidence.

It looks like:

• Knowing your non-negotiables.

• Not negotiating everything.

• Holding boundaries without shouting.

• Staying regulated (or pausing when you’re not).

• Believing your intentions are loving and sound.

Children feel safest when boundaries are clear and consistent. Containment reduces anxiety, even if they protest. Negotiation has its place. But negotiating everything erodes stability. Rights come with responsibilities. If curfews extend, responsibility must grow alongside them.

Regulation starts with you

One practical tool offered was grounding yourself before engaging. Notice your body:

• Is your jaw tight?

• Are your shoulders raised?

• Is your face tense?

Relaxing your physical posture can de-escalate the interaction before words are even spoken. Teens are highly attuned to non-verbal signals. When you regulate, you start to model regulation.

Takeaway

You don’t need to be perfectly calm. You don’t need to win every battle. You don’t need to solve everything immediately. What matters most is this:

• Focus on what’s underneath behaviour.

• Start smaller than you think.

• Pause rather than escalate.

• Choose your boundaries thoughtfully.

• Believe in your right to hold them.

Parental authority is not about dominance. It’s about grounded steadiness. And in a world that often feels overwhelming to teenagers, steady is powerful.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Sarah Jane Knight here on the hub, alongside our growing library of expert-led recordings. As always, these sessions offer guidance and insight, but if you’re worried about your teen’s wellbeing, do seek personalised advice from your GP or healthcare professional.

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dr Gemma Allison, Consultant Clinical Psychologist, talk about how online influences and peer dynamics affect teen anxiety, body image and self-esteem, and how parents can support their children without hovering, overcorrecting or closing conversations down.

Fitting in

Fitting in is a big part of adolescence. Teenagers are wired to seek approval from peers while also trying to work out who they are. They experiment with different versions of themselves, testing what feels acceptable and what gains belonging. This makes adolescents particularly persuadable. Feedbacks on how they should look, behave or be, can influence them, especially when they promise acceptance. Online spaces amplify this, with filtered, edited and algorithm-driven content making certain ideals feel normal and achievable, even when they are artificial or unrealistic.

Everyday worries

Teenagers experience many worries. What matters most is not whether they worry, but how long the worries last and how much space they take up. Parents may notice worries becoming constant rather than brief, thoughts dominated by fear or self-criticism, and changes in sleep, eating, friendships or enjoyment. Withdrawal from activities, stronger mood shifts, or feelings of worthlessness or helplessness can signal that worries are starting to alter how a young person sees themselves.

Fear, comparison and judgement

Fear of judgement can lead young people to change themselves to fit into a perceived mould, withdraw socially to avoid criticism, or judge others as a way of protecting themselves. Some teens become unfamiliar versions of themselves; others disappear from view altogether. These responses are their way of attempting to manage the level of perceived risk or threat.

Judging others

Hearing a teen speak critically about others can be surprising. While this behaviour needs addressing, it can reflect an underlying insecurity. Judgement can come from repeating peer or online language, trying to stay liked, or deflecting personal insecurity. Try using some curiosity when you ask questions like “I’ve not heard you talk like that before. Where did that come from?” or “If someone said that to you, how would it feel?” to open up a space for them to think about what they’re doing.

Supporting self-esteem

Self-esteem isn’t about constant positivity. It’s about knowing you can cope when things feel hard. Helpful approaches include validating a teen’s experience before challenging it, gently offering alternative perspectives, naming strengths linked to who they are rather than how well they perform, and acknowledging mistakes as part of being human. Balance matters. Teens respond better when they feel seen rather than corrected.

Everyday moments

Small, passing affirmations offered in the moment can feel more genuine than planned conversations, even if teens appear switched off. For deeper discussions, find calmer ways to help. A practical suggestion shared was using Post-it notes with reminders of strengths or kind observations; teens can read these when they suffer a moment of self-doubt. Parents often find their teen doesn’t believe positive feedback from them. Those messages still matter and are still registering, even if teens aren’t able to accept them.

Tricky friendships

Some teens remain in friendships that undermine them, either because they value parts of the relationship or feel unable to leave. Help your teen think about what keeps the friendship going, naming the emotional toll of the comments that hurt, helping teens see hurtful remarks as opinions rather than facts, and encouraging different friendships that feel safer. When behaviour becomes controlling or bullying, involving school may be necessary to protect their wellbeing.

Body-based teasing and avoidance

Teasing about body shape can be deeply damaging. Teens may wish to avoid confrontation for fear of repercussion which is understandable, but long-term avoidance can reinforce fear and shame. Parents may need to validate how painful the experience is, be clear that body-shaming is unacceptable, explore what would help the teen feel safer, and step in as adults if the teen cannot manage alone. Early intervention can prevent longer-term issues associated with their thoughts and beliefs about body image, exercise and eating.

Staying connected to the online world

Parents don’t need to know everything. Curiosity can be better than control. Helpful strategies include talking early about online life, learning together, agreeing shared boundaries and modelling them, and discussing how content feels during and after viewing. Understanding algorithms can help teens feel more empowered, as what they engage with shapes what they see.

Takeaway

The most powerful thing parents can do is notice. Notice changes, ask with curiosity, and keep the door slightly open. Teens don’t need perfect answers or instant solutions, they just need to know someone is paying attention, calmly, consistently and without judgement. Over time, that openness makes it more likely they will talk.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Gemma Allison on the hub, along with access to our extensive library of expert-led recordings.

Dr Gemma Allison also recommended the following resources:
A guide for parents and carers on managing children’s digital lives by the Children’s Commissioner
Joy Scrolling Vs Doom Scrolling -
Doom Scrolling
Joy Scrolling Vs Doom Scrolling

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, GP, author, TEDx speaker and young people’s mental health specialist Dr Dom Thompson spoke about why teens self-harm, what it offers them in the moment, and how parents and schools can respond in ways that reduce risk, rather than unintentionally increasing it. Throughout the session, Dr Thompson repeatedly returned to three principles for adults: calm, compassion and kindness.

What self-harm is really about

Self-harm is usually a coping strategy for overwhelming emotional pain. When emotions feel too intense, confusing or unbearable, physical sensation can act as an alternative distraction. The brain shifts focus away from emotional distress and onto something concrete and immediate.

In this sense, self-harm can feel effective in the short term because it creates relief and release. Understanding this does not mean approving of the harming behaviour, but it does help parents move away from “Why would they do this?” towards “What are they trying to manage?”

Why it can make sense in adolescence

Humans have always responded physically to emotional distress. Slamming doors, punching walls, or banging a desk are recognised expressions of overwhelm. Self-harm sits on the same spectrum, but is turned inward and often hidden. Adolescence is a particularly vulnerable period. Emotional regulation is still developing, stressors are high, and many teens feel pressure to cope silently. When feelings build with nowhere to go, self-harm can begin to feel like an available release.

Talking to teens about big emotions

One of the strongest protective factors against self-harm is helping young people understand that big emotions are normal, tolerable and temporary. Dr Thompson encouraged parents to communicate that emotions can be uncomfortable without being dangerous, and that support is available without pressure:

• Normalise emotional ups and downs in everyday life

• Talk about feelings without making the conversation directly about the teen. Avoid asking “how are you feeling”?

• Use “side-by-side” moments, such as car journeys or walks, rather than face-to-face questioning

• Use TV programmes, films or news stories as conversation starters

Being a safe harbour

It’s good for teens to know there is a place they can return to without fear of panic, anger or judgement. Dr Thompson described parents as a “safe harbour”: a steady, calm presence that remains available even as teens grow more independent. It doesn’t mean constant checking or intense questioning. It means showing:

• “I’m here.”

• “I will listen.”

• “You won’t get in trouble for telling me.”

• “I may not fully understand, but I care.”

Trust will build slowly through repeated calm and compassionate responses.

When parents discover self-harm

Discovering that your child has self-harmed can be incredibly upsetting, but the most helpful first response is calm, compassionate and kind. Try to:

1. Avoid panicking or catastrophising

2. Deal calmly with any immediate medical needs

3. Focus on understanding what led up to the behaviour

The instinct to demand that it stops, or to remove all means immediately, is understandable. However, if a teen has no alternative coping strategies in place, this can increase distress rather than reduce it.

What can make things worse

Well-intentioned responses can sometimes shut conversations down. Dr Thompson talked about some of the common pitfalls:

• Using guilt (“Think how upset this makes us”)

• Negative framing (“You’re not going to do that again, are you?”)

• Repeatedly checking wounds without consent

• Treating self-harm as purely behavioural rather than emotional

These responses, though well intentioned, can increase shame, which often leads to secrecy. Calm, compassionate responses are far more likely to keep communication open.

Alternatives to self-harm

Moving away from self-harm is often a gradual process. The aim is not to remove coping instantly, but to replace it. Dr Thompson described other alternatives to match the young person’s needs. Some need calming and comfort; others might need physical release for adrenaline or anger. Options discussed included:

• Movement or exercise

• Creative activities such as art or writing

• Sensory comfort and safe spaces

• Talking or messaging a trusted person

Best practices for self-harm support continue to evolve. Some older strategies such as snapping elastic bands or using ice are no longer recommended, as they continue to reinforce pain-based coping rather than support regulation.

Harm and safety

In some cases, immediate removal of all means can increase risk if no alternative coping strategies are in place. Harm minimisation, while counter-intuitive, may be part of early support while therapeutic help and safer strategies are introduced. Any safety decisions should be calm, planned and discussed collaboratively wherever possible.

Effective therapy

Evidence-based therapies such as DBT, CBT-informed approaches and mentalisation-based therapy are the most effective for self-harm and offer good chances of recovery. Even with therapeutic interventions, progress is rarely linear, but with the right support, outcomes can be transformative.

Self-harm within peer groups

When self-harm appears within friendship groups, the priority is not panic or suppression. Calm adult responses, open conversations and clear support pathways reduce risk much better than silence or fear-based reactions.

Takeaway

Self-harm is not about attention or failure. It is a signal of distress and an attempt to cope. Dr Thompson’s message was simple and powerful: respond with calm, compassion and kindness. These principles reduce shame, build trust and make it more likely that young people will seek help again when they are struggling. You do not need perfect words or all the answers. Being present, patient and willing to listen already matters more than you may realise.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Dom Thompson on the hub.

Dr Dom Thompson also recommend some other helpful resources:

TEDx Understanding why: What young people wish we knew
Growing a Grown Up Blog: What Parents Need to Know about Self-Harm
Book by Dominique Thompson: How to Grow a Grown Up
Self Care Support App: Distract
The Centre of Excellence for  Self-Harm and Suicide Protection
Self Injury Support Charity
Staying Safe Website: Staying Safe (from Suicidal Thoughts)
Youngminds: Self-Harm Advice

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dr Faith Orchard, Research Psychologist and Associate Professor at the University of East Anglia, explained what healthy teen sleep looks like, why adolescence changes sleep biology, and which everyday habits tend to knock sleep off track. She also shared practical ways parents can support better sleep, without turning bedtime into a nightly argument.

What does healthy teen sleep look like?

Dr Orchard explained that good sleep is not only about the number of hours. A healthy pattern usually includes regular sleep and wake times, falling asleep reasonably quickly, and feeling alert enough during the day. A helpful guideline for teens is around 8 to 10 hours a night, but there is real variation. If a teen gets less than that but seems well, functioning and coping, it may still be fine.

The clearest indicator that sleep is becoming a problem is impact. If you are seeing changes in mood, motivation, focus, learning, or emotional regulation, sleep is worth looking at more closely.

Why teen sleep shifts in adolescence

During puberty, the body’s sleep systems shift later. This is biological, well evidenced, and not driven by modern society alone. Dr Orchard explained that both sleep pressure, which builds up the longer we are awake, and the body’s circadian rhythm, which releases sleep hormones, naturally delay during adolescence.

The issue is that school start times do not shift with biology. That leaves many teens with a smaller window to sleep on school nights, even when they do everything “right”.

What disrupts teen sleep most

Dr Orchard explained that stress is one of the biggest disruptors, just as it is for adults. Exam periods, friendship turbulence, pressure around schoolwork, and family stress can all increase physical arousal and make it harder to fall asleep.

She also commented that sleep thrives on routine. Irregular sleep patterns, particularly a big gap between weekdays and weekend lie ins, can confuse the body and make Monday mornings feel like jet lag. A practical guideline from sleep science is to keep weekend lie ins to within about two hours of the usual school wake time, where possible.

Daylight and exercise were also mentioned as powerful helpers. Daylight supports the timing of sleep hormones, and exercise helps build healthy sleep pressure.

Devices and sleep: a simpler way to talk about it

Rather than get caught in the debate of screen time and blue lights, Dr Orchard made a straightforward comment that may help parents avoid debates. It was one about displacement. If the device is there, the sleep is not. This can be easier for teens to accept because it is concrete and harder to argue with. If a phone is in bed, sleep is less likely to happen.

She suggested aiming for a routine where devices do not come into bed, and modelling this as adults, because teens will notice inconsistency and unfairness.

Wind down routines that actually help

During stressful periods, such as exams or friendship difficulties, Dr Orchard suggests a consistent wind down routine. This means having the same rhythm each evening for 30 to 60 minutes before sleep, with calm and predictable activities. There is no single perfect routine. It can include reading, drawing, watching TV, a bath, an audiobook, or anything that helps the teen’s body and mind settle.

She also raised a common niggle: doing homework late in the evening can be too mentally stimulating and can keep the brain in a problem solving mode. If homework regularly happens close to bedtime, it can quietly sabotage sleep.

Naps, sleep inertia and waking in the night

Dr Orchard talked about two patterns many families recognise. The first is napping after school. Naps can be tempting when teens are exhausted, but long or late naps reduce sleep pressure and can make falling asleep much harder later. If naps cannot be removed, she suggested keeping them short and as early as possible.

The second is sleep inertia, which is the groggy, foggy feeling some teens experience when they wake in the morning. A little morning grogginess can be normal, but if it lasts a long time it may suggest sleep quality or regularity needs attention. Dr Orchard suggested treating this like an investigation, noticing routines, wake times, bedtime habits, and whether the teen is restless or waking during the night.

She also reassured parents that waking briefly in the night can be normal. The problem is when the waking becomes prolonged and a teen struggles to get back to sleep.

When worry about sleep becomes part of the problem

A difficult cycle Dr Orchard described is when a teen begins to worry about not sleeping, and that worry then makes sleep even harder to come by. In CBT for insomnia, one key principle is to avoid lying awake in bed feeling distressed for long periods, because the brain can start to learn an unhelpful association that bed is a place for worrying rather than resting.

One practical approach is to agree a calm, low-drama plan in advance. If a teen can’t sleep, they get up and do something quiet and non-stimulating elsewhere, then return to bed once they feel sleepy again. When this is discussed ahead of time, it reduces anxiety for everyone and avoids parents feeling on high alert throughout the night.

One parent asked about a young person who struggled to fall asleep and listened to “calming” podcasts until 3–4am. Dr Orchard explained that while this feels soothing, the brain is clever. If a habit keeps a teen awake, the brain interprets it as stimulating enough to maintain alertness. So although it may feel like a healthy sleep strategy, the fact that sleep doesn’t arrive suggests it’s actually prolonging wakefulness rather than helping rest.

Takeaway

Teen sleep is not only about willpower or rules. It is shaped by biology, stress, routine, and the reality of school start times. The most helpful approach is often steady and practical: protect routines, reduce late night stimulation, keep weekends from drifting too far, make space to wind down, and treat devices as something that can displace sleep rather than a topic for debate.

Watch Now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Faith Orchard on the hub.

Dr Faith Orchard also recommend some other helpful resources:

Book “Helping Your Child With Sleep Problems”; co-authored by Michael Gradisar and Rachel Hiller
The Sleep Charity - nice resources for different sleep issues.

For teens with ADHD, those same pressures can feel weightier, because ADHD affects the very skills that school and adolescence demand most: planning, time management, task initiation, emotional regulation and sustained attention.

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, Dr Vikky Petch (Chartered and Clinical Psychologist) explored what parents often find surprising about ADHD and pressure, why overwhelm can look like defiance or avoidance, and what helps teens feel supported without feeling managed.

Do ADHD teens feel under more pressure

Teen pressures aren’t limited to GCSEs and A Levels. They can also come from coursework, exams, sports and performance, decisions about the future, and the everyday pressure to fit in socially.

ADHD can intensify these stresses because many of the skills teenagers are expected to use, such as planning, organisation and managing time, rely on executive functioning, the brain’s self-management system, which develops differently in teenagers with ADHD.

ADHD and executive functioning: the hidden piece parents often miss

Dr Petch explained that central to ADHD are difficulties that can affect:

• working memory (holding and manipulating information)

• planning and prioritising

• organisation

• time perception (often “now or not now” thinking)

• task initiation (starting is often the hardest part)

• motivation (often needs immediacy rather than distant reward)

This is why revision for an exam “six months away” can feel almost impossible, even when a teen genuinely wants to do well. A key reassurance: when things aren’t happening, it’s rarely about a teen “trying to be difficult.” More often, they’re stuck at the point where turning intention into action becomes hard.

“But they could do it last week…” Why consistency is so tricky

One of the most frustrating patterns for parents is inconsistency: they managed yesterday, why not today?

Dr Petch shared that ADHD performance can be highly sensitive to small changes including tiredness, hormones, friendship stress, sleep, anxiety, sensory overload, even a minor argument. Teens often can’t explain this themselves, which can leave parents feeling baffled and teens feeling ashamed.

Masking: Fine or Overwhelmed?

Some teens (often girls, but not only) become skilled at masking. They may be bright, well-behaved and outwardly coping, while falling apart at home.

Possible signs include:

• increased irritability, anxiety, low mood or self-criticism

• withdrawing from family, spending more time alone

• escalating arguments at home

• procrastination, missed deadlines, task “freezing”

• headaches, stomach aches, dizziness (stress in the body)

• changes in sleep or eating

• perfectionism or “all-or-nothing” thinking

• cramming at the last minute, then crashing

A helpful lens: sometimes the first place ADHD overwhelm shows up is at home, because home is where masking drops.

When “encouragement” feels like pressure

Dr Petch described a pattern many families recognise, where well-intended support can start to feel like pressure. For some teens with ADHD, even gentle demands can trigger anxiety, pushing the brain into fight, flight or freeze. When this happens, the thinking part of the brain needed for planning and organisation effectively switches off.

This is why “just get started” can feel overwhelming, and why a teen may appear oppositional when they are actually struggling. What helps most is lowering emotional intensity, staying connected, listening before problem-solving, and offering support alongside them rather than taking over.

Practical support that doesn’t take over

Dr Petch emphasised that parents can’t make a teen do things, but they can help remove barriers. Support is often most effective when it focuses on understanding what feels hard, working with how a teen’s brain operates, and offering practical help that doesn’t feel controlling. Sometimes this support is surprisingly small. One example shared was a young person who didn’t want direct help, but felt more able to cope when a parent quietly helped with a practical task alongside, easing pressure and making support feel safe rather than overwhelming.

What schools can do (often without singling students out)

Many ADHD-friendly approaches support lots of learners and don’t need to make a student feel “different”. They include:

• strong, respectful teacher–student relationships

• normalising asking for help

• visual and structured teaching approaches

• chunking work and using shorter, clearer deadlines

• subtle check-ins (including email) rather than public calling-out

• movement breaks and use of fidgets (for regulation)

• consistent platforms/systems (reducing multiple logins and cognitive load)

• making exam arrangements part of “normal ways of working” where possible

Movement and regulation supports aren’t “extras”, they can be what allows attention and learning to happen.

Confidence, resilience and the comparison trap

Comparison can be brutal in adolescence. For teens with ADHD, repeated messages of “why can’t you just…” can quickly turn into shame. Dr Petch highlighted the importance of helping young people understand how their ADHD affects them, noticing strengths and building identity outside of grades/results, staying connected without making everything about school, and keeping perspective that there are many routes forward.

Takeaway

Teenagers with ADHD aren’t always lacking motivation or trying to be awkward. Often, they’re working hard, sometimes invisibly, in a system that demands skills their brains find genuinely more effortful. Support that helps most ADHD tends to be calm, collaborative, practical and flexibleand grounded in connection, not pressure.

Watch now

You can watch the full Let’s All Talk Mental Health session with Dr Vikky Petch here:
https://watch.getcontrast.io/register/let-s-all-talk-mental-health-adhd-and-teen-pressures-what-parents-need-to-know

Dr Vikky Petch also recommended other helpful resources:

ADHD-Reasonable-Adjustments.pdf (axia-asd.co.uk) 

101-reasonable-adjustments-for-adhd.pdf

How to ADHD: The Channel Trailer

ADDitude - ADD & ADHD Symptom Tests, Signs, Treatment, Support

In this Let’s All Talk Mental Health session, our resident Clinical Psychologist Dr Sarah Jane Knight explored the difference between low mood and depression in teenagers, offering reassurance, clarity and practical guidance for parents who are trying to support their child without overreacting or overlooking something important.

Drawing on her experience of working with adolescents, families and the neurodiverse, Dr Knight focused on what to notice, how to respond, and when to seek extra support.

Low Mood vs Depression: Why the Distinction Matters

Dr Knight shared that, in her clinical experience, most teenagers who present with mood difficulties are experiencing low mood rather than clinical depression. This doesn’t diminish how distressing a low mood can feel, but it can help parents and teens alike feel less frightened and less quick to label.

Two factors may indicate that something more serious is developing:

• Persistence: low mood that continues for months rather than weeks, without easing

• Recognisable markers such as changes in appetite or weight, disrupted sleep (including oversleeping), tearfulness for some teens, and a lasting sense of emotional flatness or lack of enjoyment

An important reassurance for parents: you know your child best. If something feels out of character, it’s worth trusting that instinct and watching patterns over time.

Signs Parents Might Notice

When low mood becomes more entrenched, parents may start to see changes such as:

• withdrawing from friends or reducing contact

• losing interest in activities they previously enjoyed

• very low motivation and energy

• a persistent “foggy” or flat presentation

• oversleeping that feels unusual for that particular teen

Dr Knight also noted that, where appropriate, it can be helpful to ask school to quietly keep an eye on how a young person seems during the day.

Supporting Without Adding Pressure

When parents are worried, it’s natural to keep checking in. However, too frequently “Are you OK?” questions can unintentionally increase pressure, especially when teens are already frustrated with themselves, don’t fully understand why they feel low, may not have the language to explain how they feel and are more worried about upsetting you.

More supportive approaches include:

• noticing without pushing: “It looks like it’s been a tough day.”

• keeping check-ins time-limited: “How are you feeling this morning?”

• offering care without words, such as offering a drink, sitting nearby, offering something warm and cosy (blanket, food - think nurturing)

• choosing low-pressure moments, such as in the car or while doing something side-by-side (just watching something on tv together that they enjoy)

Dr Knight also emphasised the value of repair. If a parent approaches a conversation or question at the wrong time and it just doesn’t go well, a simple apology “I’m sorry, I got that wrong”. It can quickly ease tension and rebuild connection.

Burnout, Stress and Recovery

One of the audience asked what was the difference between depression and emotional exhaustion or burnout. Dr Knight explained that many teens experiencing low mood are actually depleted after an accumulation of stressors including friendship changes, grief, school transitions, injuries or a period of prolonged anxiety.

Thinking about things this way can reduce shame and open the door to helping them back on track. One effective approach suggested by clinicians is behavioural activation: introducing gentle structure through small, manageable steps that add moments of connection, calm or pleasure. Think soft routines; tiny, realistic changes that build gradually over time, i.e. let’s go for a walk, not run a marathon.

When to Seek Extra Support

Additional support may be needed when:

• low mood is persistent and day-to-day functioning declines (school, self-care/hygiene, appearance, relationships)

• there are risk concerns, including self-harm or serious thoughts of harm

Starting points can include school, your GP, local charities and local authority signposting. Dr Knight cautioned that online self-report questionnaires aren’t reliable for diagnosis. Often behavioural strategies and talking therapies are usually explored first by healthcare professionals, and that medication is not a first-line approach for adolescents (unless a healthcare professional is aware of other history and conditions relating to the young person).

Takeaway

We can’t expect teenagers to feel happy all the time, especially in the current climate - it’s just part of being human. Parents can’t control the mood of their young ones, but they can offer steadiness, warmth and small, supportive steps. And when a low mood becomes persistent or risky, seeking help is not a failure, it’s part of caring well.

Watch the full session on the Let’s all Talk Mental Health hub now - log in or register HERE.